Have you ever considered that we humans might not be mammals, but might in fact be fish or reptiles? I had to wonder as I read the following note from a parent I received years ago and kept because, well, you'll see:
Dear Ms. A.,
I would like my daughter to stay inside during recess. We just came back from the warm climate and she needs time to adjust to cold weather, so she would not get sick again. Thank you.
Just to add a cherry to this ice cream of amusement, the girl handed me the note when she came into the class after recess. That note gave me a chuckle then, and has every time I've looked at it since.
I admit that I've kept the note on the side of my fridge in an inconspicuous spot. Over time, I noticed it less and less, until the only times I paid any attention to it were when I cleaned. Finally, a few weeks ago, I decided that maybe I didn't need it on the fridge anymore. I put the note in my hands preparing to stash it somewhere, but decided to read it one more time. This time, I didn't laugh. Something very different resounded in me.
We are all familiar with the French author, Francois de la Rochefoucauld's famous words, "The only thing constant in life is change". Funny thing about that line, nobody ever quotes it over something good. You never hear someone at a wedding saying to the bride and groom, 'Mazal tov! Now don't forget, the only thing constant in life is change. So, chew on that a while and then go start your life together!' No, that line is sort of a 'comforting-the-mourner' thing to say. It works well when someone has lost a job, lost a loved one, got a divorce, or the last kid has flown the nest. It's always followed by the recipient of the phrase casting his or her eyes down to the ground (or up to the sky), shrugging his or her shoulders and uttering an imperceptible, 'yeah'. The message is crystal clear-change sucks. So, if everyone knows that change is constant, why don't we expect it, why don't we look forward to it, why don't we embrace it?
As the weather begins to get nicer outside, about mid-April-when Spring is in the air, the trees begin to blossom, the birds sing their love songs and you can actually feel the sun's warm rays on your back through your woolen coat, all should seem right with the world. In the staff room, however, the looming panic of change sets in, as we begin to wonder what each of us will be asked to teach the following year. Will we teach the same grade? Will we have the same colleagues? Will we have to move rooms? We all look at each other and ask the questions, (a) So, what do you think? (brilliant, eh?) and (b) Have you heard anything? Everyone then speculates, and then the rumours fly. The spectre of change haunts as the tulips bloom.
And therein lies the problem I have with change. It's not always the change itself that is troublesome, but it's the anticipation of change that causes the struggle. It's the what if's. What if I have to change grades? What if I can't meet my payments? What if the tests come back positive?
I think that Mel Brooks as the 2000 Year Old Man said it best. When Carl Reiner asked him how people got around all those years ago, how they were transported, he answered, "Mostly fear (and a few seconds later)...Fear would be the main propulsion". Sure, it's easy to chant, 'the only thing we have to fear is fear itself' or sing (and yes, I've done this), 'Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect, and whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I'm afraid', but how easy is it to believe it? Moreover, what can we do to combat those menacing thoughts that bring about the doom known as 'change'?
Some changes that occur in life are beyond our control. What we can control, however, is how we choose to accept the changes. In an extreme example, the passengers on the fated United 93 flight on September 11, 2001 knew that they were the target of terrorists. They knew that the chances of them getting out of that plane alive were slim to none. They knew their fate, yet they chose to take control of themselves, even when the situation was not in their control.
Not all change is bad. Moving to a new house, winning a lottery (please may it happen to me), landing that dream job, welcoming a new baby, falling in love, and getting married (or in my case, making a wedding for my firstborn) are all great changes. Still, these changes affect us and those around us. Even good changes cause stress.
Rochefoucauld was right; change is unavoidable. That girl in my class was simply going to have to get used to the idea that it's cold here in Canada in the winter. Luckily, that's an easy one; an extra sweater under a winter coat, warm hat, mitts and snow boots would suffice in making the adjustment to the frigid temperatures bearable.
Oh, and speaking of winter, well, that's a change that will soon be upon us. Believe it or not, the conversation in the staff room has already switched to sales on winter coats, and who knows which boots are the warmest.
And maybe that's the answer as to how to combat the fear of change. I've been a participating member of a group of clucking hens, all voicing concerns. Those conversations only help to escalate matters. Only when we share concerns and brainstorm solutions in a constructive manner does facing change become more palatable. Taking control of the change, good or bad, is what its all about.
Change causes us to challenge ourselves to reach new goals and conquer old fears. As for me, I'm going to go into my closet and find my winter coat.
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