Mumbo jumbo

Anyone who knows me knows that I love word games. I enjoy crossword puzzles, jumbles, and any game where the manipulation of words is a factor. This is the story of how I was almost bested by a little girl.

My first teaching placement in my first year of studying in the Faculty of Education was a Grade Two class in a public school in the east end of the city. I enjoyed going there each week and trying out new lessons, aiming to impress my incredibly fabulous host teacher, Juanita, who nurtured my ego like a tender plant. I taught every subject with gusto, but was ‘assigned’ to be in charge of their Journals. The children would write while I was in class. I would then take home the work and return it the next week after I had marked them and made my comments.

One evening after a day’s teaching, I sat down in my dorm room to read the entries. As I read one little girl’s account, I came across the sentence, ‘I like owang goos’.

Owang goos, I uttered out loud, owang goos. What could that mean?

Suffice it to say that this puzzle drove me crazy for days, until I decided to think about the girl who wrote them. I visualized that sweet child with a mop of short, curly blonde hair. She had a great smile and a softness to her personality. Oh, and yes, I mused as I sleuthed, she can’t pronounce her r’s! That’s it, I shouted to myself. It was not owang goos, it was orang goos! And maybe the 'g' sound is soft, not hard! And if one ‘g’ is soft, so is the other. Finally the puzzle was solved. My student likes orange juice!

Communication is a fascinating art. Miscommunication, however, can be very dangerous, especially in this techno-world.

I got off with a misdemeanor a few weeks ago. I’m teaching a new grade this year, so I e-mailed a colleague who was a veteran teacher in the grade asking for some help. She e-mailed me back that she was sorry, but she could not be of any help. She then proceeded to ask me how my summer had been. After reading her response, I was hurt. I had helped her in the past, and couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t assist me, even a little bit. Nevertheless, I wrote back, writing a terse reply as to how I spent my summer vacation.

A day or so later, I received a reply to my reply. As I read through the message, which was by and large a recount of her summer vacation, I became confused with a few details. I began to think I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did. At one point in the message, she referred to someone as though I should know who he was, and I clearly didn’t. I finally e-mailed her back with a simple question…who is this person?

As soon as I clicked send, and the recipient’s name came up, I shrieked. Turns out, I had been e-mailing the wrong person the entire time! Both people had the same first name, and the same first, middle and last letter of their last name. I hadn’t paid enough attention to the name, because I had assumed I was communicating with the right person. I quickly called the person with whom I was mis-communicating and stuck my virtual tail between my legs.

The person for whom the e-mails were intended found the whole story quite amusing, but what she didn’t realize until I told her was how quickly I had been let down by her when I thought she had refused me, when she was guilty of absolutely nothing and is in reality a very generous person. Had I not realized the error, I might have had a very different relationship with my colleague.

Miscommunication is responsible for so much unnecessary misery. That poor little Grade Two girl tried to relay a message that could have easily been ignored or overlooked. I might not have thought that it was so important to know that she likes orange juice, but she thought it was important enough to write it down. To be completely honest, had I not had a love for word games even back then, I might have glossed over those challenge words and paid little or no attention to them. After all, it took a lot of time and energy to figure them out. I must admit, I felt a sense of satisfaction when I finally figured out the puzzle.

We all know the importance of good communication, but it is one thing to know it and another to be able to communicate effectively.

So many factors enter into a simple conversation. First, one needs to simply hear the words the other person is saying correctly. A famous family anecdote surrounds a yom tov gathering where a friend of my brother asked my grandmother, So, how are you? My grandmother then turned to him and with a quizzical look on her face replied, Why? Is it raining?

Next, comes the hard part- the listening-very different from the hearing, and much more complex. Listening involves taking in someone else's information and interpreting it using one's own frame of reference. That is dangerous, because every person comes into any conversation with his or her own unique history. A recount of a thrill ride at an amusement park can be interpreted as huge fun by one and scary as hell for someone else. Imagine that the person telling the story is thinking that the other is being amused, when in fact, the other person is imagining the horror of it all. The simple can become complicated so easily.

The story of owang goos reminded me that learning to communicate effectively is an ongoing challenge. In order to understand that little girl, I had to try and put myself in her shoes. It wasn't easy. It took time and patience. I had to hear her voice and understand her unique perspective. And that is the lesson. Through her, I have learned to keep trying to communicate effectively. I'm trying to improve my listening skills and take the other person's perspective into consideration. It doesn't always work, but it's always worth a try. And it sure is satisfying when the puzzle is solved!